For years, I felt stuck.
My existence felt very distant from the life I had envisioned for myself, and I was constantly measuring myself against everyone around me, looking for evidence to confirm that I was, indeed, a failure.
I consumed motivational content like crazy, going through sporadic outbursts of extreme energy which would, ultimately, fall short as soon as the first failure or obstacle surfaced on the path.
I was consistently building and undoing progress, habits, routines, hiding under the excuse of listening to what my body demanded, when in fact I was simply denying myself the respect that I was so eager to give to anyone else.
I was setting goals for myself that put so much pressure on me that I ended up doing anything but.
My procrastination became higher and higher, and I avoided, with a vengeance, anything that could actually help me.
Basically, a walking mess, disguised to strangers as a successful young woman.
Until 2025 came along.
That year, I went through a particularly overwhelming time of my life.
I was sick of my job, my city, my routine — literally everything around me — in a way I had never felt before. I didn’t know what to do and the weight of possibilities was stifling any constructive thought process I could engage in.
Yet somehow, people always seem to find you when you need them — or perhaps, when you ardently attract them — the most. For me, this came in the form of a colleague and friend, who also happened to be training to become a mindfulness coach.
When I mentioned my internal struggle to her, she immediately jumped at the opportunity — why didn’t we schedule some trial sessions where she could practice, while at the same time potentially helping me?
Together, we started a journey which — to this day — hasn’t ended for me, and it probably never will. In fact, it has started a process of internal mental activation for me, that I am constantly seeking to expand and fine-tune as I grow into my evolving self.
In the past two years, I have had the chance to apply everything we discussed, and leverage these learnings to develop an even more precise system that I found works for me, and has truly transformed the way I approach, experience and work through everything in life.
In my opinion, it truly is the mindset necessary to pursue anything confidently.
So in a move back to my old style writing but with a hopefully helpful kick, I’d like to share them with you today.
Try to think of me as your big sis giving you a constructive lecture.
1. I stopped focusing on the goal
Ever since I was young, I would always associate December 31st with a new window of opportunities opening up before me.
Heavy with expectations, I rigorously wrote down my goals for the year ahead, with the typical outburst of energy that tends to quietly die down around the end of February, to be left lethargic until November comes along again.
Everything that I wanted to do, I turned it into a mission that had to be written down and ticked off within 12 months, lest my year could be deemed as a complete waste of time.
This often left me to feeling pressured, insecure and, at times, like a failure when I didn’t manage to achieve them.
I started questioning my abilities, and often ended up falling back on the old routines when I realised my effort hadn’t led to a single, pre-established destination that I had set before even embarking on the journey itself.
At some point, I realised setting these challenging, often unrealistic goals was not only useless, but it was in fact hinder my progress.
Because in reality, a goal is as feeble as the North Star in the sky — you can admire it, you can know that this is the direction, but will it help as you make your way through a maze, traverse the sea, get through quicksand?
It’s like trying to get to the other side of a river just by looking at the shore — I admire the wishful thinking, but your eyes won’t grow you a pair of wings and make you fly over it.
You’re gonna have to learn how to swim.
Once I realised that, my whole approach changed.
Which brings me to my second point.
2. I built a system instead
I am not suggesting to replace a goal entirely —in fact, we have established that the ultimate goal is your North Star, and by all means, this is necessary to even get motivated to start on anything.
But it stops there.
What I actually needed, I realised, was a concrete system of actions and beliefs that could get me there — in practice.
In business terms, these would be the objectives of a project — that is, the concrete actions to be completed in order to reach the goal.
Let’s say you want to lose weight — your goal might be to lose 10 kg. But your objectives?
- Eat cleaner
- Exercise 2–3 times a week
- Walk every day
You see the difference?
We have taken the attention away from a goal that feels far away, and turned it into something that can be implemented immediately.
Because the truth is, a goal only gets you as far as you set it to — and can even demotivate you when you don’t see immediate progress, or induce procrastination if it feels too big.
A system, on the other hand, sets you up for continued success, without asking for much from you — just consistent, repeated action.
So that’s what I started focusing on instead – a series of activities and beliefs that could help me get to where I wanted.
3. I understood that we all are a blank page to begin with
While identifying these steps, I inevitably had to tackle the other, crucial side of the challenge — my own self-identity.
The biggest revelation for me is something that in psychology is called the “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Basically, it means that whatever you feel yourself to truly be, will become reality, because all of your actions will ultimately lead to it becoming true.
Let’s say that you think you are an evil person — whenever the opportunity arises to be mean, you will think to yourself, “well, that’s who I am.” And you will be mean.
But what if you thought the opposite of yourself? What if you always thought, “I am always kind to people.”
How much would your behaviour change?
Now take this stupid example, and translate it into our entire identity: the only one with full control over your thoughts, behaviour and reactions is us. And we have complete power over this — no matter the immediate instincts one might have. One is unconscious, the other one is fully deliberate.
Once you identify yourself as someone who is determined, someone who doesn’t give up, and someone who is consistent, that’s exactly what you will be. Because there is no reason for you to not be that.
Realising this was a huge shift for me. Because deep down inside, I knew who I was and where I wanted to get. In fact, this was the only certainty I’d had my entire life.
Because I got to decide.
4. I started embodying my future self
Now let’s take a step back and go to our North Star — the goal.
What is your ideal self doing today?
I am not asking what they have.
I am not asking what they are able to do.
I am asking what they are actually doing, in their day to day, to be who they are and where they are.
Your skinny self with 10 kg less — is she eating junk food? Is she spending the entire day on the couch? Is she skipping the gym to watch TV?
I don’t think so.
So how do you expect to get where she is?
The only difference, literally the only one, between you and her/him, is the fact that they are doing it, and you are not.
It is that easy.
So get moving.
5. I created my ritual
Now that we’ve established that, let’s get back to the actions — how did I actually create and maintained a system that worked?
What helped me the most was building a routine that felt familiar to me.
You might have heard about this in different terms — a routine, a structure, a habit — but to me, a ritual is what felt closer to home.
Basically, it means implementing those objectives, or daily actions, in a way that feels natural and comforting to you. They shouldn’t feel like a chore — they should become an integral part of who you are.
For me, that translated into a very simple routine in the morning — a coffee, a cigarette, a workout, and then breakfast and shower. I didn’t do this all at once: I first started with coffee. Then I added another action. Then I added another action. Until it got to the point where I would wake up in the morning looking forward to my series of predetermined actions.
Not only did it relieve any stress related to decision fatigue, it also gave me a pattern to follow that was aligned with my goals, and gave me a boost of energy at the start of the day.
Eventually, I started feeling weird when I didn’t do it.
That’s the power of habits and routines.
6. I shifted my perspective from chore to respect
You might be thinking at this point — this sounds great, but if I were to try this, I would probably fail. I’ve tried many times, and it didn’t work.
I was the same. But then I heard a piece of advice that changed everything for me: don’t say, “I HAVE to do this.” Because you don’t.
The better framework is, “I want to do this.”
Because it’s true.
No one was forcing me to do anything. Not even me. All the things that I had in mind were things that I actually WANTED to do. And this realisation and mindset shift was truly groundbreaking for me.
Cause at the end of the day, if you wanted something from someone, you would be so happy if they did it or gave it to you.
So why on earth wouldn’t I give this to myself if I could?
7. Became the queen of consistency
I heard somewhere that to not be consistent is to break a promise to yourself that you would not break to anyone else.
This was the final, crucial key to all of this. No matter how much you do, how motivated you are, how important it is for you — everything will fail, unless you trust it even when there are no results to show.
That “trust the process” mantra you’ve heard so many times? It turns out that it is quite literally the realest, most important rule in life.
In fact, the only one that eventually started delivering results to me.
Becoming consistent actually changed the way I approach everything and the way I experience failure . Now, it is no longer proof that I am not enough, or that something is wrong. It is a lesson for me to tweak my approach, while I keep going.
In fact, my trust in the process is so high, I am actually at peace insisting on something that is not delivering results because I know, eventually, it will.
And believe me, that is the most peaceful and rewarding existence you could ever ask for.
That’s it, my friends.
My cheat code to becoming a new person — or, better yet, the person you already are inside, that hasn’t materialized on the outside yet.
This worked for me personally, and I’d love to hear your stories and if you ever found yourself in a similar situation.
Also – if you also feel stuck, and like you cannot get anywhere no matter how hard you try — you are not alone. This is why I have put together a completely free playbook here to put these learnings into motion, and help other people reinvent their life, starting today.
This is my friend, by the way — highly recommended.
As always, wishing you all a lovely day.
Elena
